The annals of history will undoubtedly record that in the year 2020, while suffering through the Coronavirus Pandemic, America finally learned Mom was right all along. It is important to wash our hands. Though we cannot seem to agree on the optimal song, the common thread in practically every hand sanitation lecture produced during this crisis is our solemn duty, for timing purposes, to sing while we scrub, as if the human brain were incapable of estimating a twenty second time period in complete silence.